I kissed his neck and said stop talking.
thinking my mouths touch could express
every word he wished I would say
I woke up the next morning
unknowing to the damage I’d done
to his body and heart.
hands that were once so loving became cold,
words that were once so kind became cruel.
is all of you a lie?
I looked at you and lied,
knowing that any truth I spoke
would only do you harm.
but for my own selfish reasons,
I couldn’t let you go.
I wanted to call you and tell you about all the things that have changed,
then I remembered you were just another one of them.
imagining me & you was easy
it was as if we never fell apart.
you made me see love
and in the process,
realize I’d never been in it.
while a part of me wishes to kiss you,
another screams to run away.
knowing that I,
am not the only one,
to feel your abundance of love.
“It makes me mad because I know I could make you so freaking happy.”
It makes me mad too.
He asked me what was wrong with me when I acted like myself.
I didn’t know how to reply.
I regret letting you pressure me into believing
that love was expressed through touch.
there are different forms of affection
that don’t require taking my clothes off.
Do you love me?
Are you in love with me?
Or do you only desire the idea of me?
I’m starting to feel like a project
/a work in progress/