the journey continued

Dear blog, I have failed you.

I have failed to see your importance in my life and the endless outlet you provided for me,  my problems and my joys.  Some days I just felt out of words, and others I felt that I couldn’t provide you what you deserved. I realize now that the reason I stopped writing was because of nothing other than myself and my own fears.  I let peoples’ words stop me from saying my own and I can’t explain the regret I feel for pausing this journey.

To those of you reading who feel trapped by the obligations of life and fear of others’ expectations: stop. The things you love are important. In fact, they’re essential. I love writing, I stopped writing. I forgot that my feelings are raw, honest and important. I realize now that it’s necessary to expose my own thoughts knowing that some don’t have the courage to themselves. I know because I was that girl.

To the girl who emailed me a year ago saying that my words kept her afloat in times of need, I looked back at your email today. It reminded me of how ignorant I have been towards MY purpose.

While some may not see or agree with what I do, I know deep down that this is me. I refuse to censor myself any longer. I have felt the power in my hands since the day my mom gave me my first journal. Making a difference is hard, but words have the power to in such small or HUGE ways. They can make you laugh, cry, and smile. They can make you feel the weight of the world when you feel absolutely empty. It’s a privilege to find your passion as some search for it their entire lives.

Now, I’m the girl who needs words to keep her afloat. I am in need, once again,  for this outlet and journey to continue. I want to share this with others because I know how easy it is to give up on the things you love in fear that you are incapable of keeping them. I am tired of feeling like I have to please everyone other than myself. It’s time to find me again. The best way of doing that for myself is to continue documenting my journey. This blog started my sophomore year summer, now I’m a freshman in college. I have overcome the worst and I hope everyone sees that they have the power to, too.

Now I’m going to end this sob story and go to class. I am still trying to find my sanity every day and I hope you try to, too. Thanks for listening.

xxx,

Emilee

 

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