for a friend

The story seems to always start the same.

You meet someone, and right then, it clicks. It’s everything about them, or maybe just the things you first see. Sooner, or later you start to see  yourself falling in love with those things. It’s a deep tunnel, and you’re moving fast. The little things become big things, and soon you’re all in. It’s not just all about you anymore, it’s all about someone else too. The feelings you once had are now doubled as you begin to feel another’s, and you now have someone else’s heart in your hands too.

And that my friends, is what I call love.

And with love comes 1,000 feelings, responsibilities, and restrictions.

And sometimes, the love that once existed for you, may fade for another. Or sometimes the feelings may be there, but the timing isn’t right. Or maybe you both just know, this isn’t meant to be.

Whatever the situation may be, it all ends the same.

And this my friends, is what I call heartbreak.

During this process, the feelings of abandonment, grief, and even anger may appear. They come at different times, and in a variety of  different places. These feelings will send you on many different binges, obsessions, and even journeys.

If it was real love, the real truth is, it’s going to hurt. It will hurt in a way that I can’t explain in words, and with all my heart, I wish I could take the pain from you, but it can’t work like that. No one, and nothing will be able to take the pain away. Nothing but you, and some sweet ole time can make it go away.

It’s 100% needed to go through the process, and it’s 100% needed to have a support system while doing so.

The thing with love is, it’s hard to explain to anyone if they’ve never actually experienced it before. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s really hard to make sense of what your feeling while being in it.

Now, falling out of love, that’s what is hard to make sense of.

It’s hard imagining a world without that person. It’s hard after spending such a long (or short) time period with them, and wondering how the hell you will do it without them. It’s hard imagining not being able to talk to this person every day, and not being able to say these certain things. It’s hard looking back at those memories, which were once happy, and now only can be seen with sadness. It’s hard to simply even look at the person.

After reading that, I hope you can see where the process begins. If not, here are some of the steps I believe are most beneficial with break ups, and how to do them efficiently.

Step 1: Cry, Scream, or Think it Out

Right after the break up, there are 1,000 thoughts running through your head. It’s important to let them out some way or another. However you decide to handle your feelings is the best way.

Step 2: Put It Away

The 1,000,000 pictures on your walls, it’s time to take them down. Now, unless your boyfriend ran over your cat, do not burn or throw them away. Those memories do mean something, and they were happy. Don’t sob over them, but stack them nicely and release them into a nice cardboard box. Make sure to put his clothes, or gifts in there too. Now take that box, bring it to the basement or attic. Don’t plan on seeing it for awhile.

Step 3: The Support System

You may be going bat shit crazy right now, and if you are, don’t do it alone. Have some time filled with distractions. Bowling, movies, driving, whatever they may be…, you gotta do it. You can’t sob alone in your room forever. Your friends are there for a reason, and will be there to hear, or not hear whatever you’re going through.

Step 4: It’s All You

Now, it’s probably been a few weeks, or even a month now. It still feels like someone stabbed you in the back, but it’s time for you to get off the couch. It’s time for you to be you again. And that you, is the best version. The independent, beautiful, and STRONG… YOU.

It’s time for you to see you don’t need anyone, or any type of distraction. It’s time to realize that you’re the only person you will ever need.

Step 5: A Break

On step 4, you began to start working on you. With that, comes the major importance of not being another’s. After a long relationship, you’re messed up. I hate to admit it, but you are. Don’t dive into someone else, or what some would call a “rebound”. It actually ends up hurting more than you would imagine, and isn’t good for anything at all.

Step 6: He Moved On

So maybe it’s been awhile, or maybe not at all. Either way, you see that he’s talking to someone new. They may seem temporary, or maybe they’re permanent. Either way, you’ll seem them as one thing. A bitch.

And guess what?! That’s totally okay, and totally normal.

He was yours at one time period, and now he’s hers. It’s a simple thing called jealousy. But with jealousy, you can become a crazy person. You can’t do that. Don’t TP her, or whatever devious idea may be in your head. You can only say shit about her in your head, and that’s enough. Trust me. It’s ALWAYS better being the bigger person.

Step 7: It’s Your Turn

Its been awhile. You worked on you, and it feels good. You obviously still have those little feelings for him, but they all seem to be fading. It doesn’t hurt to see him anymore, and you can be in the same room. You’re starting to notice there are guys that exist again, and you’re starting to notice they’re pretty cool.

This means you’re ready.

Take it slow, but don’t hold back. Just because you were hurt once before doesn’t mean it’s bound to happen again.

Step 8: Understanding

The best lesson of all break ups is this:

Boyfriend and girlfriend share one thing in common. The last three letters both include the word end. Like all (or most) things, they all come to an end.

Endings sometimes suck. But there are other ways to look at them, such as, the beginning of a new chapter, or the opening of a new door.

With all endings, there’s a way to be remembered. The crazy x, or the one who got away. It’s ultimately up to you, how you are seen by your x significant.

Just always remember who you are. Remember that person without a boyfriend/girlfriend, you can be them anytime you want. That person can be just as great, and just as happy.

If you spend your life opening up old doors, and re-living old chapters, you’ll never experience anything new.
Life’s full of experiences, you gotta try em.

I’ll end with one, odd analogy.

We always appreciate the beginning of a great book, but what we really take out of it was the ending. Just as a relationship works, we must learn from our endings, and even (through time) being to appreciate them.

Think about it.

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