loneliness (of the place) // the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation
The crowded rooms, hallways, and streets surround us. Crowded, one of my least favorite words available in the dictionary.
The strangest part about these crowded streets is that in our minds, they don’t feel so crowded at all. Sometimes they’re the most lonely places in the world. At least, that’s how i’ve felt while walking through them. Some see lonely as sad, and an unfortunate type of isolation. To me, loneliness has simply given me room to grow. It’s given me the much needed space to see things in a different perspective, and what I really want from the world.
People often think that being present in these places full of people, that you’d feel the overwhelming anxiety of being stuck within the crowd. They think that you’d be stuck within the people, the conversations, the movements, and that’s all true. I’ve also found that although i’m present with the people around me, it feels as if my mind is elsewhere.
I’ve found that the places I walk through are surrounded by people I know, but feel as if I don’t at all. I’m surrounded in a circle of conversations speaking of countless words, with no meaning. I’m surrounded by faces that are blurred by my thoughts.
I sit waiting, wishing, and looking into the distance for something that could possibly mean more than the crowd i’m standing within.
I keep waiting for the day that conversations become meaningful again. I wait for the day that people realize the importance of life. I wait for the day that people will realize our worth is not based off of our status, but our integrity. I wait for the day that people buy the books to read, not just for show on the shelf. I wait for the day that people choose to be aware rather than oblivious to the world around them. I wait for the day that people live to have ineffable experiences, that are more than just average. I wait for the day that real, honest, brutal passion returns. I wait for the day that I get to witness what I call, true love. Most of all, I wait for the day that I wish to be present in a conversation rather than stay in solitude within my mind.
Until then, I have discovered I rather be elsewhere. If elsewhere is a place in my mind that is unrealistic, I find that it’s more comforting than the reality surrounding me.
Maybe someday our conversations will be more. Maybe someday the madness in our minds will return, and passion will be fueled again. Maybe someday those passions will lead as inspiration to others to follow their own. Maybe, just maybe, the world I live in will be interesting again.
That day will be the day that I choose to be present within the crowd, until then, i’ll stick with elsewhere.